Memories
by BeachBum87
Summary: "Everyone grieves differently, but it is important that we let ourselves do so..." - Warning: This story is kind of sad, so do not go into it lightly. That said, I hope you all enjoy :) Also, this little story is only going to be a Two-Parter.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I should you warn you guys before you start reading this, that it is quite sad (in my opinion). It is however (still just my opinion here) a really good story. So if you think you can handle it, then by all means enjoy **

**Memories…**

**(Part-One)**

The last week has been one of the roughest for everyone at NCIS. The death of their former LAPD Liaison Officer-turned Special Agent struck them all quite hard, but none more so than the beautiful Kensi Blye. Now the female federal agent sits in the bullpen at OSP staring at the wedding band around her finger.

She's been playing different memories in her mind of the time that she and her late husband spent together—the good times and the bad. Next month would have been 7 years that the couple had been together—too short a time in Kensi's mind. The last memory she has of her husband seems to be the worst of them all, and try as she might she can't help but relive that moment over and over again.

"_No, no. Oh God, no. Deeks…Deeks, you have to stay with me." She pleads desperately as she holds one hand pressed against the bloodstained wound in his stomach. "Damnit Deeks, you can't leave me like this. You just can't."_

_Deeks raises a hand to his wife's delicate cheek, and oh so gently strokes the smooth, tear streaked flesh. "You are so beautiful." He whispers. His eyes glisten with silent tears of remembrance._

_Kensi can see the darkness creeping into the once gorgeous blue hue of her husband's eyes. She presses even more firmly against the wound, which is still oozing blood all over his clothes. "Forever, remember? Isn't that what you said…Me and You, Together—Forever." She says softly, remembering his words on the night that he proposed to her. A strangled sob escapes her throat at last. "You promised." She says as she weeps._

_Deeks cups her cheek with his hand, and forces her to look at him. "I…will…always…love you, K-Kensi." His final breath spent, only silence follows these words._

"_No." Kensi sobs as she lowers her own head down against his._

Still, as hard as it has been though, she has yet to let herself grieve openly. She's kept most of her emotions bottled up since the day of the funeral. Up to this point she has just been going through the motions.

One of the newer recruits to the OSP walks up to the bullpen, and looks in on Kensi. He clears his throat softly to get her attention before speaking. Startled from her silent memories she looks up, and seems to wait for the man to continue.

"Sorry to bother you ma'am. I-I'm Dexter Marshall…I just started here a few days ago." The man says with a tone of nervousness.

"Something I can help you with?" Kensi asks, already ready for the conversation to be over with.

"N-No ma'am. I just wanted to extend my sincerest condolences. I heard about Agent Deeks, and even though I never got the chance to meet him, I just know he was a good man." The man continues.

Kensi nods. "He was." She says quietly.

"B-But you know…it's not like it's the end of the world. His was a noble sacrifice indeed, but there are plenty of fish in the sea…err…I mean, that is to say-"

A dark look moves into the female federal agents' eyes as she stands up from her desk. Kensi has definitely had enough of this conversation, and is now determined to end it. She steps towards the man making him shrink back a little bit.

"Excuse me? What makes you think I want someone else? Hmm, what makes you think that _anyone_ could replace my husband?" Her voice rises, and even shakes a little bit as she speaks.

Near the entrance into the mission Agents Callen and Hanna just happen to be standing around talking with one another about who actually drives the better car. They are also just coming in to work. The exchange between Kensi and Mr. Marshall almost immediately catches their attention.

"Seriously?" Sam replies to Callen's latest attempt at boasting. "Your car's faster than mine? Not a chance G. None." He says, waving his hand in the air.

"Hey, believe what you want to believe." Callen replies with a smirk.

"G. You hear that?" Sam asks, his attention suddenly drawn away from their own conversation.

Callen looks up. "Oh no." he says, shaking his head. "Dex." He and Sam have already met the young, new recruit before.

"He didn't listen." Sam adds, looking at his partner.

Callen lets out a sigh, and shakes his head again. "No, he didn't."

"Think we oughta bail him out?" Sam asks.

"If we don't…she'll probably kill him." Callen points out.

"True." Sam remarks.

Kensi is really laying into the young, new recruit when Callen and Sam finally walk up behind them. Callen steps in between Kensi and Mr. Marshall, separating them from each other. Next, Sam grabs the young man by the arm, and hauls him away from the bullpen.

Callen looks Kensi in the eyes as the female federal agent fumes angrily while watching Sam haul him away. "Let it go." The team leader says quietly. "Whatever he said…I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it."

Kensi shakes her head openly. "No, no. You weren't there. You didn't hear what he said." She vents to the team leader. "Deeks. He was talking about Deeks….about my husband—_My _Deeks. He had no right."

Callen nods. "I agree. But Kens, he's young and an idealist. You can't blame him for trying to do what he thought was right." Callen says softly.

"It makes no difference." Kensi spits angrily. "Not to me."

Over closer to Hetty's office Sam finally stops with Mr. Marshall, and then turns to face him directly. A look of disappointment spreads across his features. "What did we tell you yesterday?" Sam asks the young man. "What did we say?" he presses him further.

"N-not to-" the young man starts.

"To leave her alone." Sam finishes the sentence for him. "She's been through a lot this week."

"I know sir, but I-I thought-"

"No, you didn't think." Sam tells him.

"With all due respect, sir." Dexter Marshall says suddenly, straightening up a bit. "I was told, by Ms. Lange, that Agent Blye and myself were to be partnered up…soon. I just wanted her to know that if she needed a friend…someone to talk to, ya know,"

Sam shakes his head at the younger man. "No, it doesn't work that way. Kensi's unique, special. She doesn't trust easily, if at all, and her personal life is _definitely_ off-limits. If she confides in you, later on, then that's different. For now though just give her some space, okay?"

The younger man nods in reluctant understanding.

Across the way from Sam and Mr. Marshall, Callen is still talking with Kensi. Just then Hetty appears at the foot of the nearby staircase. The tiny operations manager had been upstairs in Ops with Eric and Nell—until she heard the commotion downstairs that is.

"Is everything alright down here, Mr. Callen?" Hetty asks, from her perch on the next-to-last step on the staircase.

Callen looks over his shoulder at his boss. "Nothing we can't handle, Hetty." He replies.

Hetty can see from the look in Kensi's eyes, and from Callen's body language that everything is not 'alright' though. She steps down off of the staircase, and moves around to join Callen and Kensi.

"Mr. Callen, could you give us a moment please?" she asks.

Callen eventually nods, and lets out a sigh. "She's all yours." He says at last, as he reluctantly turns and walks towards his own partner.

"I'm fine, Hetty." Kensi says quickly. "Really, I am." She adds quickly.

"I can see that." The operations manager replies with a nod.

Kensi hates playing this game with her boss. All she wants right now is to be left alone for a while, and hopefully not have to think about the past week. On the spot where she currently stands she is constantly shifting her weight from side to side nervously.

As always Hetty has been keeping close tabs on all members of her team, and therefore knows how each one of them is currently doing. Eric and Nell actually went and talked with a certain 'agency therapist', so-to-speak, and even Callen and Sam found ways to grieve in meaningful ways. Kensi, however, has done neither—or even tried for that matter. Hetty knows this, but until now she has been giving the female federal agent some space to breathe.

"Ms. Blye, I know this past week hasn't been an easy one." The tiny woman tells her. "Mr. Deeks' passing came all too soon, and we all feel the loss. I understand that we all grieve differently, Ms. Blye, but it is important that we let ourselves do so." She adds.

"Hetty, I can't." Kensi replies, her voice slightly unsteady as she speaks. "Grieving just means that it's real, and-"

"But it is real, Ms. Blye. No matter how badly we want to believe otherwise." Hetty cuts in. "Running's not going to get you anywhere…not this time."

"Hetty…" Kensi tries, averting her eyes from the operations manager.

"No. Ms. Blye, I insist that you take the next few days off. Spend some time with your daughter, and…_grieve_. Together." Hetty says softly. "It'll be good for you, I promise."

"Please don't do this Hetty. I need to be here, okay. I need to keep my mind occupied, so I don't-"

"Not an option, Ms. Blye. Now go, please." Hetty tells her in the gentlest of ways.

* * *

Kensi reluctantly leaves the mission—driving away in her SRX. It's still only barely 8 o'clock in the morning, which means that Claire won't be out of school for at least another seven hours or so. So it looks as though she'll be alone for quite a while today. She thinks about maybe going back to the house, and doing the housework that hasn't been done since before the funeral. Though, she never really has been good at doing housework—that was always something that Deeks enjoyed doing, but not anymore.

Somehow though as she drives through the dodgy, L.A. traffic her course seems to steer her in a completely different direction. The closer she gets to whatever destination lies ahead, the more it grows inside her. It is a steadily rising anger that seems to bubble up out of nowhere. A part of her wants to be angry, furious even, and blame Deeks for leaving her when he had promised her (on multiple occasions) that they would be together forever and ever.

The next thing Kensi knows she has parked her SRX just outside the entrance to the _Peaceful Palms Cemetery_. This is where Deeks was laid to rest just several days earlier. She's not exactly sure why she's here, but being that she is _here_—she might as well make the trip worth the drive.

She unbuckles her seatbelt and climbs out of the car, closing the door behind her. She stands for a moment staring up at the big wrought-iron arch that indicates the entrance into the cemetery. After taking in a deep breath and then letting it out, she finally moves forward.

* * *

She eventually reaches a small hill, which she then climbs until she arrives at the top. The summit of this small hill has a wide, flat surface with only one, solitary headstone resting near the center. Up to this point the only emotion she has felt has been anger, but now as she stares down at her husband's grave—all that anger seems to disappear almost instantly.

The bright sunshine hanging overhead casts a small shadow over the spot as it hits the two, small palm trees that were planted at the top of the hill near the site. Kensi slowly approaches the simple marble stone that marks the grave. The stone reads: _Martin Deeks. Beloved Husband and Father, Cherished in this life…and the next._

It was all that he had wanted. It was nice and simple, and relatively inexpensive. Suddenly the memory of their first date comes to the forefront of her thoughts.

* * *

_The couple is leaving the movie theater after seeing the latest film in the 'Twilight' series. They walk side by side, holding hands, as they make their way out into the parking lot in search of Deeks' Chevy Malibu._

"_Admit it." She says, looking up at the shaggy-haired man beside her. "You cried."_

"_Cried. Me? As if." He replies, averting his eyes from her gaze._

"_Haha, I knew it. I knew it." She whoops triumphantly, bouncing up and down in front of him._

"_Hey, so did you." He shoots back._

"_Did not." She replies defensively._

_Deeks smiles inwardly as he has a foolproof plan to prove that he is in fact correct. He stops suddenly, and grabs the brunette by the arm. He pulls her in close, startling her a bit, and stares down into her mismatched eyes._

"_Oh, Bella," he says in a low voice, trying to mimic one of the characters from the film. "You give me everything just by breathing." He whispers against her lips._

_She returns the kiss without fail. Then when they finally part, a wide smile spreads across his face. He can see the fresh tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. _

"_I knew it." He says quietly._

_Kensi quickly pulls away, and hides her face from him as she wipes the teardrops from her eyes with the backs of her hands. "So what…I'm a girl." She mumbles defensively. Then a thought suddenly pops into her head._

"_Wait a minute—that was from the first film. I thought you hadn't seen any of the others?" she points out, remembering what he had told her on the way to the theater earlier that day._

"_Uh, well—you see, the thing about that, and its really funny-" he stutters nervously, as he runs a hand through his shaggy, blond locks._

_Kensi smiles real big at the revelation. "Oh…my…gosh. You're a twilight junkie, aren't you? Have you read the books too?" she adds with a chuckle._

_Deeks does the only thing that he can think of to effectively silence her, and spare himself further embarrassment. He pulls her back into his embrace and seizes her lips with his own once again. This kiss is different though. This kiss is deeper, and more passionate than the first._

_They finally part from the kiss, and Kensi looks up into his Pacific Ocean blue eyes. "What happened to taking things slow?" she asks quietly._

"_Yeah, maybe we'll speed them up a little bit. That okay with you?" he says, not hiding the tiny smile playing at the edges of his mouth._

_Kensi nods. "Very okay." She says, as she pulls him into yet another kiss._

* * *

Kensi shakes her head at the memory, and then wipes away several new tears from her face. _This is silly_. She thinks to herself as she turns to leave.

"_Is it?"_ a familiar voice says from behind her.

Kensi immediately spins around on her heel to face the voice, and there he is. The shaggy-haired man standing propped against the grave marker staring back at her. Her eyes glisten with new tears, as she looks him over. He is wearing a clean, white, long-sleeve, button-down dress shirt (with the cuffs of the sleeves unbuttoned of course), and his favorite pair of jeans. His shaggy hair is clean and perfectly bouncy, and the scruff dotting his face has certainly never looked as good as it does now.

"You." She breathes.

"_I've been waiting." _ He says, as he pushes himself upright. _"It's been a week, Fern."_

The sound of her pet name makes her knees suddenly very weak, and it is all she can do to stay on her feet and not fall helplessly to the ground. She can hardly find any words at all at this point, and she swallows hard several times in the effort to find some.

* * *

Kensi and her daughter Claire finally reach their home late in the afternoon. They both exit the car, and head inside to the comfort of their home. The day's happenings hang over Kensi like a cloud.

"Why don't you go get started on your spelling homework, Sweetie. I'll get supper going for us." Kensi says as she heads into the kitchen—her mind running slightly on autopilot. She never has been much of a cook, but there are a few meals that she has gotten pretty good at preparing on her own.

The little girl watches as her mother walks past her, and disappears into the kitchen. The sad, longing look in her eyes going unnoticed once again. "Yes mommy." She says quietly. She lets out a small sigh, and hangs her little head as she drags her backpack towards the dining room table where she always does her homework.

She pulls one of the chairs back, and climbs up into the seat—pulling her backpack up onto the table with her.

* * *

In the kitchen, Kensi pulls down several different pots and pans from one of the overhead cabinets. She takes one of the deeper pots to the sink, and fills it about ¾ of the way full with warm water. Then she sets the pot on the back, right side eye of the stove—which she then turns on to just above medium heat. Afterward, she adds about 3 teaspoons of olive oil and a couple of pinches of salt to the slowly warming water.

All of this she does almost without any thought at all. Her mind is mostly still focused on what she experienced at her husbands' grave earlier in the day. It felt so real…sooo very real. She really isn't sure exactly what to make of the experience, but she knows what she'll be doing tomorrow. Yes—she has to go back. She _needs_ too.

She can hear her daughter busily practicing her spelling words for the week at the dining room table just outside. She can tell that the little girl is struggling with whatever word she's currently on, and without thinking she gives her usual verbal encouragement.

"You're doing good, Honey. Sound it out—just like practiced." Kensi says, raising her voice so that her daughter will be able to hear her from inside the kitchen.

"Yes mommy." Claire responds.

Kensi turns back to the task at hand, and sees that the water in the pot is finally starting to bubble and boil. She walks over to the pantry, and opens the double doors. From within she retrieves a box of pasta, a jar of red sauce, and a brand-new carton of grated Parmesan cheese. Then she closes the pantry behind her.

She puts the ingredients down on the counter near the stove, and sets to work opening the box of pasta. She gently lays the handful of dried pasta noodles from the box into the pot of boiling water to cook. Now she just needs two more things—meatballs and garlic bread. Both of which she knows can be found in the freezer, since both are things she bought 'ready-made' at the grocery store on her last trip.

_It's settled. I have to go back tomorrow. I have too._

* * *

In the dining room area little Claire sits at the family-sized table practicing her weekly list of spelling words for her class at school. The little girl is actually very bright for her age, and for the most part usually has little to no problem with such things. This last week, though, has been extremely tough for her—since losing her father.

She spends most of her time now constantly distracted from whatever happens to be in front of her. Like right now, she stops trying to sound at the word she's working on, and instead shifts her focus to something that she pulls from her pocket.

The item is a small, silver locket that was given to her by her father for her 5th birthday. Inside the locket is a solid silver surface with a special, custom engraving etched into the precious metal.

It reads: _To my angel, all my love. Always, Daddy._

She opens the locket and reads the inscription inside for what may be the thousandth time at this point. Then she closes her eyes and tries to imagine the sound of her father's voice reading out loud to her for the very first time (again). There is only silence, and this disappoints the little girl.

She quietly closes and pockets the silver locket once again, and as she does she sheds a single tear of sadness for her missing father.

If her mother only knew the pain that her daughter is in, it would certainly break her heart. But the sorrow in the little girl's heart goes on unnoticed still.

"Claire, Sweetie. Could you clear the table for Mommy? Supper's almost ready." Comes her mother's voice out from the kitchen.

* * *

The Next Day….

Kensi drops her daughter off at school around 7:30 a.m., and then after saying goodbye, giving her a kiss on the forehead, and telling her to have a good day at school she heads South in the direction on the _Peaceful Palms Cemetery_. She spent all night long thinking about going back there, and even now as a voice in her head tells her that the whole thing is just silly she can't help but feel a little bit excited about it at the same time.

She pulls into the parking area, and quickly shucks her seatbelt. She climbs out and locks the SRX behind her as she starts towards the entrance arch carefully straightening out her clothes as she walks.

She reaches the gravesite at the top of the small hill, and stands silently for a moment staring down at the stone marker. She kneels down in front of it, and using her hand she wipes away some loose dirt particles from the stones' surface.

"Honestly, I don't even know why I'm here exactly." She says in a quiet voice. "Now that I think about it. But it's been hard, you know, with you gone. I haven't been eating well, and I barely sleep. I just wake up, and…and you're not there." She continues, with a sniffle as she plays with the golden wedding band on the ring finger of her left hand.

Staring down at the marvelous golden band, and all of the wonderful things that it represents floods her mind with dozens of beautiful memories. One in particular seems to stand out among all the rest though. The memory is actually of the golden bands' precursor. She smiles a little bit at the memory as it plays out in her head.

"Do you remember," she starts, with another sniffle. She pauses for a brief moment to re-collect herself before continuing. "Do you remember the night you proposed? You were so nervous. It was just after we closed the Kalmer case…"

_Deeks and Kensi are walking through a park somewhere in L.A. just after dark on a Friday evening after work. The area is lit by two different light sources—street lamps and a really pretty full moon. Deeks has been silent pretty much the entire time that they have been out here, and it is something that has not gone unnoticed by his partner._

"_Deeks, is everything alright?" she finally asks, wrapping her arm around his as they walk closely side-by-side._

_Truth be told, he is not sure he really knows the answer to his partner's question. He has spent the better part of the last hour fidgeting with the small, velvet box in his jacket pocket. He's been debating on whether or not to actually go through with the plan that he's been rehearsing in his head for a whole week at this point._

_Dozens of thoughts run through the shaggy-haired man's head as he walks along with Kensi. The last couple of days have really been hard for him, and the rest of the NCIS team as well; but more so for him. Why just this morning he and Kensi had had a terrible argument before leaving the home they've shared since his return to NCIS almost a year earlier. Then after that he almost lost her when the guy they were chasing decided to suddenly blow himself up instead of risking capture by those he had deemed as enemies to his cause. It was all too close for comfort to be completely honest._

"_Deeks." She tries again. "Look if this is about our 'disagreement' this morning…its okay, I'm over it." She adds, trying to reassure him._

_Suddenly he stops walking just before they reach the huge fountain near the Western side of the park. He stands still for a long moment, and steadies himself for what must come next. He inhales a deep breath, and then lets it out just as quickly._

"_It's not just that. It's a part of it, but there's more." He says at last, his voice low as he hangs his head in thoughtful fashion. "I was angry, Kens. I said things I didn't even mean…horrible things."_

_Kensi can tell that he's struggling with some sort of internal torment, and she wants to help him. "Hey, it's okay. I told you, it's all in the past. All is forgiven."_

_Deeks shakes his head at her. "No, please. Let me finish." He pleads with her quietly._

"_O-Okay." She replies softly, rubbing his shoulder. "Whatever you need."_

_Deeks shudders as he composes himself once more. "I've been planning this for weeks, ya know. And this morning I almost changed my mind about the whole thing. But that explosion today…I could have lost you. So easily—I'd have lost everything just like that."_

"_Deeks?" Kensi says in a low voice. Her own voice sounds weak and shaky as she says his name._

"_I realized…I realized that I can't lose you, Kensi. God, I love you so much, and I want us to be together—forever." He tells her, looking deep into her mismatched eyes. He pulls away from her just ever so slightly, and digs the velvet box out of his jacket pocket. He holds it in his hands for a moment, just staring down at it. His nerves soo close at this point to making him back out on the whole thing._

"_Is that?" she starts to ask, upon seeing the velvet box held so delicately in his hands._

_Deeks finally shakes off the nerves that had settled over him. He opens up the velvet box, and slowly lowers himself down onto one knee before the woman that he so dearly loves. "Kensi Blye…will you marry me?" he asks at last, willing himself to ask the question that could either make or just as easily break him._

_Kensi doesn't say anything for the longest time. She only stares down at the beautiful diamond-studded engagement ring held within the velvet confines of the box in Deeks' hands. Silent tears streak down her delicate cheeks as she struggles to take it all in._

_Deeks knows full well what he's asking. He knows that she's been here once before, and that it nearly destroyed her forever. He can only imagine the things that might be running through her head at this point in time._

"_Look, I know what I'm asking, and I know this can't be easy for you. This isn't easy for me either, ya know. One word—just one word, that's all it takes to bring ruin or salvation…but love gives me hope. And I…Love…You."_

_Deeks' words touch Kensi in the very deepest part of her heart, and the tears flowing down her cheeks are clear evidence of that. She has wanted this for so very very long, and even though in her head she knows that this should be soo much harder than it suddenly is—in her heart the answer is all too clear._

_The female federal agent stoops low, and wraps her arms around the kneeling, shaggy-haired man. "Oh Deeks, of course I'll marry you." She whispers through her sniffling and tears. "I love you."_

_Deeks pulls back from her after a long moment spent in her warm embrace. His own eyes red, and moist from the tears that he had fought so long to keep at bay. He removes the ring from the box, and gently slides it onto her ring finger right there under the moonlight shimmering down from overhead. They both admire the way that the ring looks on her finger, and then Deeks presses his lips against hers. "You've made me so happy, Fern." He whispers softly as he gently cups a hand to her moist cheek. "I promise you, I'll work my entire life to return the favor—I promise." He says as he kisses her once again._

"_I'm holding you to it." She whispers back against his lips._

"_Understood." He replies with a soft smile._

"I could hardly believe it. It was such an expensive looking ring, and I wondered how you could've afforded it." She admits. "When I asked you about it, you told me that you had sold your favorite surf board—the one that you had had signed by that famous surfer guy. Y-You're favorite surf board…and you gave it up for me." She sniffles.

"_I'd do it all over again exactly the same…for you."_ He replies confidently.

"That day…that day I was sure it couldn't get any better." She says admittedly, sniffling as she speaks.

Kensi is still kneeling before the grave marker as tears streak down the length of her cheeks. Marty Deeks, still clothed the same as he had been the day before, now sits with his back propped up against the grave marker.

"_But it did, didn't it?"_ he says, with a big smile spread across his face. _"It got so much better."_

Kensi nods in agreement as she looks up at the shaggy-haired man. "It did." She replies. "Do you remember our wedding day?" she asks, tears streaking down her face as she looks into his Pacific Ocean blue eyes.

"_I do."_ He says with a smile. _"You were so beautiful. God, I thought I was in Heaven that day."_

Kensi nods, once again, in agreement with Deeks. She remembers that day oh so vividly, almost to the point of hurting now. "It was all so perfect, and it felt soo right."

* * *

Two Days Later…

Four days in a row. Four days of absolutely beautiful sunshine that Kensi has spent at her husbands' grave this week, and each one seemingly better than the last. Each of these days she spends between 2 and 5 hours at a time reminiscing about all the good times she and Deeks shared with one another, and how happy she had been during that time. Also, with each passing day she unknowingly pulls further and further away from her daughter—who needs her Mother more than anything right now.

"_Four days in a row." _He says, as he turns his head to look at the beautiful brunette.

Kensi is laying on her back in the grass near the grave marker. She has one arm folded back behind her to support her head, and the other one lies across her stomach where she still fidgets with her wedding band. Beside her, Deeks is also lying on his back in the grass—one hand behind his head, and the other across his stomach.

"I know." She says, returning his smile. She feels happy here, almost as if she's actually back by his side where she belongs.

"_Fern, you know I love you. You know I love seeing you." _He says, suddenly growing very serious.

Kensi finds that she doesn't really like the way he's looking at her at present. She can't help but feel a sort of bad vibe coming off of him. "Please don't look at me like that." She says, trying to avert her eyes from his gaze.

"_Kens, why are you here?" _he finally asks her.

She swallows a hard lump that has formed in her throat over the last few minutes or so. This is exactly what she's been trying to avoid. The nagging feeling deep in the center of her chest that just won't go away, and that constantly reminds her of that certain inevitability she's desperate to escape.

"Because," she begins, swallowing another lump in her throat. "I need you. I _need_ to be _with_ you." She says quietly. "I don't want to let go. I miss you so much." Her voice is cracking under the emotional strain of everything she's now being forced to face.

"_Fern." _he whispers softly, as he turns over onto his side to face her.

Kensi follows Deeks' move then, and brings herself to face him as well. "Please, don't do this." She begs quietly, tears streaming down her cheeks now.

"_Baby, I know it hurts. But you can't live like this."_

"Says who?" she tries, as defiantly as she can manage under the circumstances.

"_Besides, there's someone else who needs you much more than you need me." _He tells her as he reaches out to touch her face.

"Who?" Kensi asks, wondering what he's talking about.

"Ma'am?" a voice says from somewhere off to the right, interrupting her moment. "Everything okay?"

Kensi looks up, and sees a man standing just at the edge of the small hill's summit. She figures that he is probably the cemetery's on-duty caretaker, and that he must have spotted her while making his rounds over the cemetery grounds.

She nods at the man. "Y-Yes, I'm fine. Just fine, thanks." She tells him with a feigned smile. Then she watches him for a long moment until he finally nods back, and then turns to be off on his way once more.

Kensi swipes at her eyes with the backs of her hands to clear away the trail of tears left behind there. Then she pulls herself up to her feet, and dusts herself off quickly. She is wondering, at this point, just how long she's been here today. She digs her cell phone out of her jeans pocket and reads the clock display.

_That late already!?_ She thinks to herself. "Shit." She swears under her breath as she immediately begins to make her way back down the hill towards the cemetery exit and her waiting SRX. _I'm gonna be late picking up Claire._

* * *

Kensi and Claire finally make it to their home once again. This time though Claire is the first one out of the car, and as soon as Kensi unlocks the front door—she is the first one inside the house. Kensi is stupefied by her daughter's display.

"Claire, honey? Is everything alright?" Kensi calls after her daughter, who just disappears quickly into the back of the house—where her bedroom is located.

Kensi closes the front door behind her, and locks it. Then she worriedly starts after her only daughter in hopes of finding out what it is that is bothering the little girl. "Claire-" But before she can get too far she notices something lying in the floor nearby. As she approaches the shiny, silver object she quickly realizes what it is. It is the locket that Deeks gave to Claire a couple of years back.

She picks it up, and examines the article of jewelry closely in her hands. Upon opening it she finds the tiny inscription, something she had completely forgotten about until just now. As Kensi stands there reading the words etched on the inside of the locket—she finally understands.

She shakes her head in disgust. How could she be so blind all of this time? Her daughter has needed her this whole time, but she's been ignoring her in favor of spending time at the cemetery.

* * *

Kensi knocks gently on the outside of her daughter's bedroom door. Then she waits patiently for a response. In her heart she hopes that she can repair whatever damage has been done, and salvage her relationship with her daughter.

"What?" comes the muffled sound of Claire's voice from inside the bedroom.

"Sweetie, can mommy come in?" Kensi asks in a soft voice. After a few seconds of nothing but silence, Kensi pushes open the door and steps inside the room.

* * *

"You dropped your locket." Kensi tells her daughter.

The little girl is lying on her bed with her face hidden in a pile of pillows at one end. She doesn't move, but gives a low grunt from within the pile of pillows. "I don't want it anymore." She says, and the sadness in her heart is clear in her voice.

"But Daddy gave you this locket, remember?" Kensi says, moving closer to the bed, until she finally comes to rest sitting on the very edge of it.

"I don't care." Claire mumbles.

"Look, sweetie. I know it hasn't been easy these last few days since your dad…" she trails off near the end of her sentence unable to make the words come out. "…And I know I haven't been there for you. I've probably been the worst Mommy ever…but I'm here now, and I love you. Baby, please talk to Mommy." Kensi says at last, pleading with her distraught daughter.

After a few minutes or so, Claire finally turns over and sits up to face her Mother. Her eyes are red and moist, and she has clearly visible tear streaks all down her delicate cheeks. "It's a lie." She tells her mother, sniffling as she speaks. "He doesn't love us…he left us."

Kensi can't believe what she is hearing. Her daughter doubts her own father's feelings. She figures that she is partially to blame for her daughter's anger. She never actually did take the time to sit down, and talk things out with the little girl.

"Sweetie, that's not true." Kensi says, as she scoots over closer to her daughter. "Your Daddy loved you more than anything." She explains. She watches as the little girl swipes at her eyes with the backs of her hands. "I remember the day you were born, you know? Your Daddy was so proud." She continues.

The little girl is now listening very closely to her Mother's story.

"He told every person he saw in the hospital that day…"

_Deeks is holding his newborn baby daughter carefully in his arms. She's fast asleep at the moment, and it is absolutely the cutest sight anyone could ever hope to see. He's walking down the long hallway with her towards a small waiting area near the end. Waiting there patiently for the shaggy-haired man is the rest of the NCIS team._

"_Ah, here he is. The proud Papa ay last." Hetty says, standing up from her seat and smiling proudly at the shaggy-haired man._

"_She's asleep." Deeks tells them. _

_Everyone in the waiting area gathers around the proud new father, and looks admiringly over the little baby girl in his arms._

"_She's too precious." Nell remarks quietly, as she peers over at the baby girl wrapped in the pink blanket._

"_Yeah man, way to go." Eric chimes in, gently clapping his friend on the shoulder._

"_Think she'll be more like Kensi or Deeks?" Sam quips jokingly staring down at the little pink bundle of joy in Deeks' arms._

"_I dunno, Sam. Guess we'll have to wait and see." Callen remarks._

_Sam chuckles. "Fair enough."_

_Everyone seems to be thoroughly enjoying themselves, and they can't seem to get enough of the newest honorary member of their family/team._

"_Tell me, Mr. Deeks. How do you feel right now?" Hetty asks somewhat seriously._

_Deeks looks down at his newborn baby daughter wrapped up in a soft, fuzzy pink blanket. His eyes are moist and red with emotion, and the more he looks at her—the more he falls in love with her. "She's the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world. And she's mine. I feel like a million bucks." He tells them, his voice somewhat shaky with emotion. "I really do."_

"Did he…really say that?" Claire asks, wiping new tears away from her little face.

"He did sweetie." Kensi assures her daughter. "Come here." She adds, holding her arms out to the little girl.

Claire pulls herself up, and then climbs over into her Mother's lap. She snuggles into her Mother's warmth, and gently takes the locket still held in Kensi's hand. She looks it over several times in silence before finally speaking up once again.

"I miss Daddy." Claire says at last, sniffling at the words.

"I know sweetie, I do too." Kensi replies, as she wraps her arms around her daughter in a loving hug.

"I used to hear him." Claire says quietly, as she shows her mother the inscription inside the locket (again). "But now…I can't. Why did it go away?"

Kensi thinks long and hard about that one, and after a little while a thought finally pops into her head. She knows what to do now, and she hates that she did not see it sooner. It is time that she shares something special with her beloved daughter in hopes that it will help her find some measure of closure. It's a good thing that tomorrow is Saturday.

* * *

The Next Day…

"We're here sweetie." Kensi says, looking over her shoulder at her daughter.

The SRX pulls up outside the _Peaceful Palms Cemetery_ early Saturday morning, and Kensi unbuckles her seatbelt and exits the vehicle. She then moves around to the passenger's side and opens the back door. It takes a few minutes to unfasten the childrens' safety harness from around her daughter, but she does manage to pull it off eventually.

The two of them finally make their way through the wrought-iron arch, and towards the small hill where their loved one is buried. When they reach the top of the hill Kensi points out the grave marker to her daughter.

Claire recognizes her father's name etched across the front of the marker stone.

"Come on." Kensi says softly as she motions for her Claire to follow her. Mother and Daughter both kneel down together near the grave marker. Kensi pulls the locket from her pocket, and hands it back to Claire. Claire holds the piece of jewelry tightly in her little hands.

"Close your eyes," Kensi tells her daughter in a quiet voice. "What's your favorite memory of your Dad?" she asks.

Claire thinks for a moment, and then the answer finally comes to her. She opens her hands to reveal the locket once more, and Kensi instantly understands. "The day he gave you your locket." Kensi whispers softly.

Claire nods her head silently.

_It's Claire Deeks' fifth birthday, and her parents are throwing her a big birthday party to commemorate the occasion. They are all outside in the backyard, and everyone is having loads of fun._

_Hetty is in attendance, as she is the little girl's honorary 'Granma Hetty', and Kensi's Mother is also among the party guests—being that she is actually Claire's blood-relative (Grandmother). Others in attendance are Uncle Sam and Uncle Callen, and also Uncle Eric and Auntie Nell. There are also several other people in attendance as well._

_Claire is seated at a long picnic table sporting a pointy birthday hat on her head. Her mother appears behind her carrying a plate with a beautiful birthday cake atop it. There are five glowing candles perched atop the cake, and everyone soon breaks out into a slightly off-pitched rendition of 'Happy Birthday'._

_Kensi sets the cake down on the table in front of her daughter, and the little girl claps happily at the sight of her 'Pretty Pony' themed birthday cake. "Okay baby girl," Kensi says as she stoops to her daughter's side. "Make a wish, and blow out the candles." She smiles._

_The little girl pauses for a brief moment, but then leans forward and expertly blows out all five candles at once. Off to the right side her proud father claps along with his wife as they watch their daughter giggling happily and bouncing up and down in her seat._

"_That's my girl." Deeks beams proudly._

_A little while later comes 'Present' time. Everyone watches as the five year old unwraps each of the gifts presented to her by different members of her family. Finally Deeks steps forward, and holds out his hand. In the palm of his calloused hand sets a brand-new locket/necklace. He kneels down beside his daughter, and gently opens the locket's silver clasp revealing the inscription etched within._

"_To my angel, all my love. Always, Daddy." He reads the inscription to his daughter in a soft, loving voice, and then kisses her gently on the cheek. "Can I put it on you, angel?" he asks softly._

_She nods at her Daddy, and then stands completely still as he drapes the silver chain around her neck._

A shaggy-haired man dressed in a white, long-sleeve button down, and a pair of blue jeans kneels down in front of the little girl and her mother. He raises his hand, and gently cups her cheek. _"Hey angel." _He whispers softly as he looks her over. _"I see you still have your locket." _He says, placing his own hand over hers.

She nods in response. "Yes sir." She says quietly as a silent tear rolls down her cheek. "I miss you." She whispers.

Deeks smiles at his beautiful daughter. _"I know."_ He tells her._ "But I'm always with you—right here."_ He says pointing to the area around her heart. _Whenever you need me. This is where I'll be."_

"Promise?"

"_Promise." _He leans forward and kisses her gently on the cheek, and smiles loving at her. _"I love you baby girl."_ He tells her in a loving voice.

"I love you too, Daddy." Claire replies softly.

Deeks suddenly grows serious as he looks over Claire and her Mother. A slight quiver becomes evident in his voice as he speaks to them._ "My girls…My beautiful girls. I love you both soo much, and I will always be with you—always. But I need you to be strong for me. For each other. I know it hurts, but always remember the good times we had as a family."_

…TBC…

**Authors Note: I apologize for cutting it off so abruptly, but I find it hard to write when I can't seem to stop crying over it like a baby. So I figured I would just stop here for the time being, and rest a bit. I will finish this out though, I promise, and it will come in the form of a 'Part Two'.**

**Author's Note 2: I hope that you guys enjoyed this 'Part One', and that you will check back later for the conclusion in 'Part Two'. I also hope that you guys will review/comment on this little story, and tell me what you all think and whether or not I **_**should**_** finish 'Part Two'.**

**I hope that each and every one of you guys has had a safe and Happy Thanksgiving with your respective families. **

_Thanks Again as Always…._


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Just a heads up to my loyal readers—this chapter picks up immediately where Chapter one left off. That said, Enjoy **

Memories…

(Part Two)

Deeks leans forward, and plants a gentle kiss on his daughter's forehead, and then plants one on his wife's. There are tears all around at this point. Then he stands to his feet and takes one last look at his girls.

"_You guys were my greatest achievement in this world."_

Then just as quickly as he'd come—he disappears. Clair silently turns around to face her mother who already has eyes full of quiet tears. Things are different between mother and daughter now, and the look they both share with one another is clear evidence of that.

Claire leans forward, and wraps her arms around Kensi's neck. Kensi responds by pulling her daughter closer into a warm hug. And as the two of them sit there in front of Deeks' grave—they cry in each other's arms, pouring their hearts out upon one another.

"I know sweetie." Kensi tells her daughter, while struggling with her own tears. She runs her hand up and down her daughter's back in a soothing motion as they sit wrapped in each other's arms.

* * *

Later that night…

Kensi and Claire are finally all cried out, and at present they are lying together in the huge master bed that the former once shared with her husband. They've both had supper and a shower (well, actually Claire had a bath but still), and now they lay facing each other whispering about silly things they remember about Deeks. All the while their hearts begin the slow process of healing together.

"You know what your Dad really liked though?" Kensi asks, a broad smile spreading across her face at the thought that had just popped into her head.

Claire is silent for a long beat, but then the same smile crosses her own face in clear understanding of her mother's words. "Movie night." She says excitedly.

"Movie night." Kensi says smiling as she repeats the phrase. "What do you think his favorite part of movie night was?" Kensi asks, thoughtfully, of her daughter. "All the sticky, gooey popcorn he always made us, and the smores—or-"

"I think it was 'us'." Claire suggests insightfully, cutting off her mother's train of thought.

Kensi gives a warm chuckle at the little girl, and the sparkle in her eyes is unmistakable as she nods in agreement. "I think you're right. I think he just liked spending time with his family."

"Me too." Claire replies in agreement.

"You know what we should do?" Kensi asks, thoughtfully. "Tomorrow night. We'll have a movie night—just us, you and me. We'll make popcorn just like Daddy used to make for us, and we'll have smores, and we'll watch girly movies. Oh, it'll be so much fun. What do you think baby girl?"

Claire nods excitedly at her mother.

Kensi chuckles once more. "Me too."

The two of them lay in silence for the longest time afterward, until Kensi finally reaches up to turn off the lamplight overhead. They've both had a long day, and both could really use a good night's sleep. She pulls the switch on the lamp, and the light instantly dies out. Only the faint light of a full moon pours through a nearby window making the darkness seem a little less _dark_.

"Come here." Kensi says quietly, motioning for Claire to scoot a little bit closer to her.

The little girl obeys, and moves herself just a little bit closer to her mother. Kensi then reaches out and wraps her arms around her daughter, and holds her in a gentle hug against her. The two of them snuggle together and share each other's warmth as sleep slowly creeps up on the pair.

"Sweet dreams baby girl." Kensi whispers in her daughter's ear, just before planting a soft, gentle kiss against the top of the little girl's head.

"Sweet dreams mommy." Claire tells her mother in the same soft voice. Then just before the little girl finally drifts off to dreamland, she pulls the silver locket from a small pocket in her nightgown. She carefully opens the clasp, and as she reads the inscription quietly to herself—she realizes she can once again hear her father's voice.

"_To my angel, all my love. Always, Daddy."_

**THE END**

**Author's Note: Okay, so I know that part two is actually a little short than some of you were maybe expecting, but this is just how I originally intended for this story to end. Now, that said, I have thought about adding the 'Movie Night' sequence, as well as showing Kensi finally returning to work after her time off from the job. I just don't know if I should… Anyway, I hope that you guys enjoyed this update, and that you will drop me a line sometime and let me know what you all think. Thanks so much once again for reading my story **


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